My New Year's Eve 2008

***All smiles! October 8, 2008***

One year ago I was in the midst of serious doggie sorrow. December 29, 2008 was the day Bernie was administered Valium, stupid fucking Valium, which as my language suggests really screwed her up for a week. This is even more significant since those 5+ days of Valium hell were part of her last ten days. That's not my point here, though.

You see, one year ago was a pretty damned sad time for me, and quite frankly, a lot of it I've pushed away when it has come to mind since. I would rather think of the thousands of brilliant days with Bernie. The flipside of a year ago's anguish is that within those final ten days there were some seriously beautiful, tender moments.

How Bernie and I spent New Year's Eve 2008 is one of my favorite examples of this.

The first couple days after that notorious vet visit, it was challenging to get her to eat her kibble/rice/salmon/hamburger/cheese "casserole" that had been her staple for a few months. In fact, I'm pretty sure she'd basically eaten nothing up to New Year's Eve, so for three days basically. That's uncomfortable for any living creature. Couple that with the fact she was still wobbly, Bernie and I were unquestionably going to spend New Year's Eve together.

So that we did.

When the clock struck midnight, Bernie and I were both on the kitchen floor. I had out peanut butter, hot dogs, dog treats, dog kibble, soft kibble, hamburger, chicken, milk, and who knows what else, all in an effort to get my girl to eat! It sucked, of course, but we made it fun. I created all sorts of combo platters for her to try. I'm sure her throat hurt like hell and/or she feared choking, but we got enough in her to tickle her belly and rest my mind. We laughed, she licked food from my hand, I squeezed morsels into her mouth. I pet her a lot, admired her, missed her already. We both loved every second of those couple hours, I was so proud of her courage not only then but throughout her life. It takes courage to be with me every day for 15 years, you know.

All the while that night, I knew how different one year from that day would be, that she wouldn't be here, and of course I wouldn't be on the floor feeding my beloved pooch. Given the circumstances I wouldn't have spent my New Year's Eve 2008 any other way. And of course, it's now one year from that day.

Happy New Year to Bernie and all.

Doggie Power

***A man can do a lot with a dog at his feet.***

Late March 1993 I loaded up my car and I moved to Beverly. Actually, 484 miles north of Beverly, to South Lake Tahoe, California. I simply had to go.

Car loaded up . . . I didn't want to go. I don't know if I cried on my first-ever day of school, but I cried this day. I didn't want to go. My parents, though, did what any good parents would do: They told me to shut up, follow-through with my plans, and make the best of it. You can always come back.

I never came back.

It was my Old-English Sheepdog, Poochie, and I who set out west. A boy and his dog. To get right to my point, I don't know if I ever would have planned such a move if I wasn't going to have a dog in tow. To this day, people are frequently amazed that I moved to California "all by myself."

I didn't move there by myself, I had my dog.

People say that it took balls to move like that. Maybe, but if you have a dog, it's a whole lot easier. You have a constant companion, someone you can bounce your thoughts off of--and they never ignore you or roll their eyes, "knowing" what you're going to say. You can always be silly with a dog, release your inner child at your whim. And sing, oh it's the best thing to sing, sing, sing to a dog. Venture out with your dog, conversation is struck quickly, especially with others who have dogs--though frankly, I'd probably rather talk to your dog than you. When you come home from a day or night of work or play, there's always a party waiting, no matter how long you were gone. You can nurture a dog, sort of like a parent to child. And a dog and its attentiveness help you sleep sound, protecting you, his or her master, like a parent does a child.

So, you see, it didn't take balls, it just took a dog.

A Hockey Tale

***Wayne Gretzky circa 1983***

Tonight, I went to the Minnesota Wild versus Edmonton Oilers hockey game. I live about 10 minutes on the busline from the Wild's home, Xcel Energy Center, so I hopped on, bought a ticket on the street for $25, and watched my first Wild game of the season. The game brought back one of my favorite hockey memories.

I've played hockey for 32 years and counting. During my childhood career in St. Louis, one of the ongoing highlights was playing before St. Louis Blues games at The Arena. It was great. You went in the players' entrance, dressed in one of the visitors' locker rooms, and played in front of 19,000 seats--albeit most of them empty. The thing I liked best about The Arena is that it had these soft, flexible boards and glass, so when you crashed into them they were loud and wiggled a ton. Plus, The Arena had the BEST nachos and pizza!

Anyway, I was a high school freshman in 1983-84, and I played for three teams that year, Webster Bantam AA, and both Webster Groves High School JV and Varsity. "Playing" on the latter that year meant I dressed for about half the games, and took the ice in about half of those, my appearance usually limited to getting creamed on my only shift of the game. I loved it!

So on February 21, 1984, the St. Louis Blues had a game versus the Edmonton Oilers. These were the big, bad Oilers--Coffey, Kurri, Messier, etc., and of course Wayne Gretzky (87 goals, 118 assists that season). The Oilers broke the New York Islanders stronghold on the Stanley Cup that year. So it was on this night that the Webster Groves JV squad I was a part of was scheduled to play in the tilt immediately before the Oilers - Blues. Yeah yeah, boy!

I have no idea whom we played nor who won, but I do remember the following.

About halfway through the first period, Wayne Gretzky came out of the visitor's tunnel and sat down to watch the game. He was by himself, about 15 rows up on one of the ends. He had on a sweet Oilers sweatsuit. Seeing him there I quickly realized, "Wayne Gretzky is watching me play." I'm smart like that. So between periods, I waved over Webster senior and varsity player Dan Holtzclaw, alerted him to the situation, and told Dan he should go over and sit by Gretzky. It took some persuasion, but Holtz did just that. He sat next to Wayne Gretzky and watched a Webster Groves High School JV hockey team.

Soon after, other Oilers filtered out of the tunnel and up into the stands, and eventually there were about a dozen taking in the game with Holtz and Gretzky, the former of which was the only who wouldn't be crowned a Stanley Cup Champion in three months time.

I asked Holtz after the game, "What did he say?" I remember two things: "Number 5 [on Webster] has too much tape on his ankles," (he did . . . always) and supposedly Gretzky said I made a nice pass, though I or Holtz may have made that up.

Regardless, Wayne Gretzky saw me play hockey. How cool is that?

The Wild won tonight, 3-1. Bernie, of course, was watching. I wonder if Gretzky was too.

Soul Food

***September 25, 2004***

Cool photo, so I think anyway. When Bernie was just two or three, I held open Bernie's mouth so a vet could take a peek at her chops, just because, and the vet asked, "Does she like to chew on rocks?" I said, "No. Sticks, but I've never seen her chew on rocks." Apparently, her molars were rounded off. Not sure why, but she sure did enjoy a good stick from time to time. I still have a couple of hers in the backyard now, maybe she'll get to 'em sometime.

I watched Oliver for three nights this past weekend, Beth was out of town. It was fun, good bonding time. It takes time to bond with a dog, to learn what makes it so cool. I digress on that subject, but I mentioned to Beth tonight that coming home to a dog is like coming home to a party, every time. Even better, when you have a furry friend, you can make a party anytime--or sometimes they'll make one for you when you least expect it. That's always good for the soul.

It's boring here now, at my house. I still haven't figured out what the heck most people do when they come home in the evening, for the six or so hours you have before you sleep. I mean, you can't go out raisin' hell every night of the week. I watch "Intervention" on Mondays, that's good for getting my weeks started off on a dark note. Really, though, what to do? No matter what I do and how long I do it, I end up being bored as hell for a spell. I was never bored with a dog.

Walking Bernie always put me in a good mood. It's cold here, right now really cold, but no matter how cold the weather and/or my mood, I would always make it a point to walk Bernie. A year or two after I moved here, I realized that my mood was always better after a walk, even a normal uneventful walk.

Fresh air is good for the soul. Dogs, even better.

Warmth

It's pretty and white.
The same white that dressed the tip of your nose.

You'd lay in the snow.

Sometimes waiting.
Sometimes watching.
Sometimes playing.

All for me.

Paw prints here.
Paw prints there.
Of course, paw prints everywhere.

Yours.

I see them.

Fresh snow.

My big boots.
Our walk.
Your speckled coat.
You and me in the falling fresh snow.

Uh-oh!
Let me clean your "boots," Bernie.
Gimme your paw.
Such a good girl!

Free of snow.

Snow that dots your wet black nose.

Come on Bernie, let's go home.

Hi, My Name Is Oliver

***Today, I am thankful for video.***

Hi. My name is Oliver. I am a dog, a Wire Fox Terrier. You can see a picture of me here and read more about my breed here. Here's a preview: "Active, friendly and playful, the breed is highly trainable and excels in events such as agility."

That means I'm cool and athletic.

I'm also tech savvy.

I'm at Chad's tonight. Usually I come over here with my mom, Beth, but she violated conditions of her parole this week and is in the clink for a while. So I'm here with Chad.

Just kidding, Mom!

I like it here at Chad's. I think he is part dog. He barks at me sometimes, and always fills my food and water bowls first thing when we walk in the door. He takes me for walks and lets me ride in his cool car.

Chad is my friend.

He used to have a dog, a dog named Bernie. He doesn't really talk about her too much, but sometimes when he is singing a song when we goof around, he tells me that it's a song he used to sing to Bernie. They're very funny, energetic, silly songs. He made them up all by himself.

He made a song for me, too. Basically, he just sings, "Olliver" a lot. It's good.

It's always good when someone sings to you.

Sometimes when he's not around, I check out his iPhoto program and look at all of his photos of Bernie. He has tons of them, and I like every one of them. Bernie is my friend, even though I never really met her. And even though she is a mean-looking black dog.

I'm a small dog, spritely.

"Active, friendly, and playful."

I'm going to watch hockey with Chad now, so time for me to go. I posted the video above for you. I love it, it's like Bernie is right here right now!

I hope you like it too.

Oliver

P.S. Hi Mom!!!