Soon . . .

Soon, Bernie's Blog will be no more. It will still exist, but it will be offline. Resting. This of course started as a blog about my beloved pooch, as she lived her last days with me. It was unbelievably therapeutic to me . . . to write it, to share it, to hear everyone's kind thoughts in response. One of the main reasons I wrote it was to have a written memory of my time with Bernie. As time goes by, memories fade. I do not want those memories to fade. She was my best friend for almost 15 years, those years probably being the craziest 15 of my life, when it's all said and done. When I was lost, she was there.

I have been lost a lot over the past ten months. I have written about some of it, but only those closest to me know how utterly influenced I have been by what has happened--and not happened--over the past year, really. Not many people read this blog, as I am able to view stats about number of readers, etc. That of course is okay with me. I write it to express myself, that is my only motive. What you have read here the past several months is just the tip of the iceberg for the most profoundly difficult experience I've encountered. At times I have been angry, but most often just sad. I have been counseled professionally, and I have read thousands and thousands of pages regarding why people do what they do.

I have learned a lot about myself and human beings in general. The human mind is so very complex but at the same time, simple and predictable. You could even say that in hindsight, I should have seen it all coming.

Aside from continuing to be absolutely dumbfounded, I have healed. My life and head are normal, or at least as normal as I get. What I have a hard time dealing with and accepting is that there is a human being on this planet, a total of one, who has made me feel like I am poison. That hurts, bad, and I will never understand that.