9.94

***This is Bernie hanging out in the kitchen. While not the greatest photo, it aptly shows her sad little look--it's just the way she looked! Amazing I could ever leave the house. 2004.***

I just finished watching ER, one of the three TV shows I watch (I mentioned another in a previous post. Can you guess what the third show I watch is?). I've watched it since the beginning, and if you've haven't had ER on your must see TV list for the past fifteen years, you've missed out on truly some of the most mesmerizing moments on the tube ever. This is the show's final season.

The first episode ran on September 19, 1994. I adopted Bernie on September 25, 1994. 

It's a delicate balance when you have a dog that is truly your best friend, a balance between maintaining your dog's life to her and your satisfaction and maintaing your own life to your satisfaction. Bernie had these big ol' lips that contributed to her look, which was one of a sad puppy dog's face. That look could freeze your feet and heart as you walked out the door, leaving her behind. I made sacrifices, yes, but I also lived my life, confident that the quality of our time spent together compensated for any moments of lacking quantity. For sure, though, our quantity of time together never lacked for long.

Sometimes, I'd get restless, wishing I could do this or that but instead putting Bernie first. I didn't view her as a restriction. I did see it as a duty, a pleasant duty. Truth be told, this duty probably prevented me from straying too often to the, um, more rambunctious sides of life. As Bernie became older and I'd obviously had her for longer, sometimes I'd yearn for more freedom. However, I stuck to my duty, out of love and out of fear, fear that if I lessened my committment I'd have regret when she passed. 

Thankfully, I have no regret--not for how much time and energy I gave her nor for how much time and energy I gave the rest of my life. While she laid on the very couch I'm sitting on now during the hour or so before I took her to the vet to put her on the path to Puppy Heaven, I pet her and said, "We made it, buddy. We made it." 

Those words were for both her and my ears.